


Home Is Wherever You Are

by fyf



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I'm going to tag more when the story progresses, M/M, as i'm not sure of what to tag yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 07:47:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7092913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fyf/pseuds/fyf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky never knew, but he has always had more than a best friend in Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't wrote in a really long time and have never wrote Steve/ Bucky before so I'm sorry if this isn't good! I might also turn this into a chaptered fic if people like it enough

Bucky stared up at the stars, feeling the stress and weight of the world ease out of him. Almost as if the death of the stars that provided such brilliant, beautiful and strong light for everyone to see night after night was some kind of metaphor for him.

That the itch in his skin to break free, to roam and explore was normal. That it was right to feel like he should want to burst out of his body, out of his mind and make his dying moments bright and sharp for everyone. 

He'd always loved the stars, moons and planets. Felt as if his home was a place in the stars, out of this world, where he never felt like he belonged. He always loved looking up and seeing the beauty right in front of him, a scene that was never marred by the horrors and hardships beneath them. 

He found some comfort in seeing the stars show patterns above him, see them flash across the sky, see meteors leave trails as they flew too close, almost, to the earth. He found peace in knowing that the light of the stars seen was the moment they died, that in an event which should be sad, the passing of something, be so big and powerful, so bright and beautiful, that it gave people joy as they were left in awe of it, left people looking up and having the breath taken out of them as the stars splayed out around them. 

Now, he sits on the grass, arms out behind him, head tilted back, taking in the scene before him. The feeling in his fingertips and toes slowly leaving him. The tip of his nose, surely turning red. Still, he stayed there, looking up, the ache and tightness in his chest leaving him at the sight was far better than the option of going back inside; knowing the stars are above him but are blocked from view by a man made ceiling.

He knows he's been out here too long, knows people will be wondering where he is, worrying possibly, he isn't sure. He isn't sure he deserves people caring about him, not sure if he'll ever get used to it again.

For now, he's content with looking up at the stars, knowing this is enough of an escape, of a getaway from hectic and painful life. The stars and constellations are so bright he feels as though he could touch them just by extending his arm and fingers out above him; feels as if he could pick and bring a star down to him and keep it forever. Somehow replace the heavy, harsh feeling in his chest with weightless blinding light.

Perhaps one day, he'll be able to do that on his own, be strong enough to make his chest feel alive, feel bright and bursting all by himself. But for now, the sight of the stars and the rest of the universe is enough, to ease his bad feelings, to make him feel as if the ache and pains are slowly flowing out of him, at least for a short while, until he, inevitably, has to go back inside.

Back to everything he came here to escape.

 

\- - -

Now, he wanders through the park, feeling the chill of the winter air twist and curl around him as he puts one foot in front of the other. He doesn't know where he's going, doesn't know if he had an intended destination when he headed out here. He looks around at the trees and flowers around him. The clear, blue sky above him, void of clouds, the sun shining, unabashed down upon him. He comes to a stop on a small hill near the lake, sits down, hugs his knees up to his chest and settles in for the long haul.

Some time later, hours he assumes by how dark they sky has turned, he looks up. Once again, seeing the first few stars starting to appear. The light having travelled miles, so many, to reach the earth, to appear to him tonight. He feels some gratitude in that, that the stars and planets are here for him tonight, helping to ease the pain, ease the noise and haze in his mind. 

Only now he doesn't feel alone, feels a presence behind, near him that he can't seem to shake.


	2. Chapter 2

"Bucky" a voice breaks the silence. It's not a question, merely a statement to let him know he's not alone, as if he wouldn't have heard him approach. 

He knows the voice, could pick it out from a crowd, from down the street, through the haze of the mind HYDRA gave him.

He doesn't look down from the sky as the body the voice belongs to settles in beside him, legs stretched out in front of them.

"Steve" Bucky breathes out. Steve leans against his shoulder in response. "What're you doing here?”

“Was worried about you Buck. You've been gone a lot longer than usual, and I figured if you were going to do something stupid, I'd best make sure I was there, eh?” Steve nudged his elbow slightly into Bucky's metal one, earning a low chuckle from the other man. 

“Sorry. It's just worse than usual” Bucky explained, could see Steve shaking his head out of the corner of his eye.

“Nothing to apologise for Buck, never is” Steve replied, as if it were that simple. He sounded so confident Bucky almost believed it just because Steve Rogers said it like it was.

Steve stayed silent after that, joining Bucky in looking up at the stars.

\- - - 

Now, Bucky lays on the sofa in Steve's apartment, watching one of the many movies on Steve's list. He didn't think much of it, he just needed something to distract him. Steve was out, but would surely be back soon, and his mind was louder than usual.

Once the movie finished he went out to the balcony and took a seat in one of the chairs that decorated it. He looked out over the city.

A lot had changed since he had been here last. The basic layout was just about the same, nothing changing too much in that instance, but most of the buildings looked different, modern faces having been put on them. The cars were different, people's style was different, the way they rushed around, like they had no time to spare was different. The sound was different, things just seemed quieter back then, now everything just seemed loud and noisy.

Bucky hoped Steve would be back soon.

He doesn't go long without Steve usually, except the times he needs to escape and be on his own, but the rest of his time, he spends with Steve. Almost as if they were trying to make up for lost time.

Without Steve around it's harder to keep his mind quiet, to keep his thoughts from running away from him, from dragging him to the darker corners of his mind. He can feel himself become more unstable by the minute, feel himself slipping again. Normally he fights his hardest to keep him, him. But times like these, his hardest isn't good enough and he feels overwhelmed, feels like he did a few years ago when his mind wasn't his own, when HYDRA had changed and bent it into what they wanted.

He thinks back to when he was a young small kid in Brooklyn, knocking around with his even smaller best friend. They would sneak out after they were supposed to be in bed, meet at their certain place and run to the abandoned building down the road, up the stairs and to the roof. They would lay there for what felt like hours and stare up at the night sky. Talking about the future. Bucky thinks it's why he's always loved the stars.. they remind him of Steve. Of being with him with no distractions, of just hanging out with one of the most important people in his life, his best friend, and just talking. Bucky thinks it's also of the reasons the stars calm him, they remind him of simpler, easier times.

Half an hour, maybe an hour passes and Bucky can hear footsteps coming up the stairs to the apartment, hears a key then be put in the lock, turn and open the door.

Steve enters and closes the door behind him, places his keys on the table in the hall and walks into the front room. When he sees it's empty, he turns and looks to the balcony to find Bucky there, still seated.

Steve walks through the living room and out through the doors out onto the balcony and joins Bucky in the seat next to his.

“You okay pal?” Steve asks.

Bucky nods and makes a small humming noise as he does so.

Steve accepts it and turns to look out across the city also.

A few minutes later, Bucky feels something warm against his knee. He glances down to see Steve's knee pressed to his own. He glances up at Steve, who is still looking out of the balcony. 

Bucky doesn't mention it.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this out really quickly, and it was in third person so I had to change it so I apologise if I missed out changing anything/ and if it doesn't make sense!
> 
> Comments and feedback are appreciated!


End file.
